Post by That Chick on Oct 16, 2007 10:28:33 GMT -1
Fluffy 1: Okay, this should be easy! Since we're all
Pagans, it's clear we all are nature-based, so that
should be our first dogma.
Kemetic Recon: Excuse me, I don't consider myself
nature based.
Fluffy 2: But, isn't Ra an aspect of the sun god? That
makes you nature based!
Kemetic: No it doesn't.
Discordian: I'm Chaos based.
Fluffy 1: Chaos? Like evil and death and discord?
Discordian: Sure. But also like Spam and nipple rings.
Kemetic: Nipple rings?
Discordian: Sure. Ra Ra sis boom ba!
Kemetic: Not funny!
Fluffy 1: Wait, let's not fight! I'm sure we can find
something else we agree on. We all worship the goddess
and god in many aspects, right?
Hard Polytheist: No. I think all the gods are
individuals.
Celtic Traditionalist: Me too!
Discordian: Eris is definetely different than, say, Aprodite.
SubGenius: "Bob" is one aspect of The God! SLACK!
Fluffy 2: Don't be silly, that's so primitive. No,
it's beyond primitive, because our ancient ancestors
all understood the fact that all gods are one god, all
goddesses are one goddess. It's just the patriarchal
Christian propoganda that made it look otherwise.
Hellenic Pagan: No it isn't, and I have the research
to prove it...
Fluff 2: Stay out of this, you patriarchal greek
worshipper!
Discordian: Fnord! I like eating things cooked in Ancient Greece.
Random New Ager: Whoa, everyone calm down. It's fine
that we don't all agree on that. But I'm sure we can
all be one in the light!
Dark Pagan: No we can't. What about the darkness?
Fluff 1: Darkness? Eewww, icky.
Discordian: My Goddess wears black leather.
Hard-core New-Age PETA Vegan: LEATHER??? YOU SICK F***!
Discordian: *rubbing leather all over himself* Uhuhuhuhuhuh... leaaaaaaatherrrrrr...
Hard-core New-Age PETA Vegan: *pukes*
New Ager: Okay, okay, how about reincarnation?
Discordian: If you're a cabbage, you're reborn as a Precious Mao Button in the Region of Thud. If not, who knows?
Satanist: Reincarnation? No. When you're dead, that's it.
Setian: Unless you become a god!
Fluffy 2: *gasp* Who brought these evil ones here?!
New Ager: They're not evil. They just haven't yet
discovered that god is love and love is the universe!
One day when they've vibrated to a higher level,
they'll understand. But until then, don't worry, I'll
save us with my rainbow rays of protective lovelight!
*shoots rainbow rays at darksiders*
(Darksiders fall into a ball on the floor, gasping and
choking, Discordian does the same then has a mild heart attack. SubGenius merely raises an eyebrow.)
Setian: Urgh... cough... your rainbow powers caught me
off guard, but soon enough I will regain my composure
and shield myself from your onslaughts through sheer
will alone!
Discordian: Just for that, I'm spamming you! *opens cans of Spam and flings Spam at the lightsiders.)
Fluff 1: *plugs ears and starts singing 'we all come
from the goddess'*
Satanist: Your attempts at using your sheep-like faith
in the powers of love to defend yourself from me is
amusing, but I am a god and thus immune to your
pitiful attacks.
Dark Pagan: Aaackk.... I'm blind... but as soon as I
can see I'm cursing your ass!
Fluffy 2: I knew you weren't a real Pagan! Cursing is
against the Rede! 'An it harm none, do what thou
wi...' *thunk*
(Fluffy 2 falls dead, their weak mind apparently
unable to withstand the strength of the recovered
Setian's will)
Fluff 1: You think you've just won, but wait till you
get that back times three!
Setian: Oh, sure. I'm going to die three times because
your little friend over there just couldn't take it.
New Ager: Well, actually, according to Ram Dass...
*suddenly, the New Ager is crushed by the foot of some
dark deity the Dark Pagan was invoking while everyone
else was distracted. Fluff 1 resumes singing 'We all
Come from the Goddess' in hopes of making it go away,
but to no avail. Utter chaos insues...*
Pagans, it's clear we all are nature-based, so that
should be our first dogma.
Kemetic Recon: Excuse me, I don't consider myself
nature based.
Fluffy 2: But, isn't Ra an aspect of the sun god? That
makes you nature based!
Kemetic: No it doesn't.
Discordian: I'm Chaos based.
Fluffy 1: Chaos? Like evil and death and discord?
Discordian: Sure. But also like Spam and nipple rings.
Kemetic: Nipple rings?
Discordian: Sure. Ra Ra sis boom ba!
Kemetic: Not funny!
Fluffy 1: Wait, let's not fight! I'm sure we can find
something else we agree on. We all worship the goddess
and god in many aspects, right?
Hard Polytheist: No. I think all the gods are
individuals.
Celtic Traditionalist: Me too!
Discordian: Eris is definetely different than, say, Aprodite.
SubGenius: "Bob" is one aspect of The God! SLACK!
Fluffy 2: Don't be silly, that's so primitive. No,
it's beyond primitive, because our ancient ancestors
all understood the fact that all gods are one god, all
goddesses are one goddess. It's just the patriarchal
Christian propoganda that made it look otherwise.
Hellenic Pagan: No it isn't, and I have the research
to prove it...
Fluff 2: Stay out of this, you patriarchal greek
worshipper!
Discordian: Fnord! I like eating things cooked in Ancient Greece.
Random New Ager: Whoa, everyone calm down. It's fine
that we don't all agree on that. But I'm sure we can
all be one in the light!
Dark Pagan: No we can't. What about the darkness?
Fluff 1: Darkness? Eewww, icky.
Discordian: My Goddess wears black leather.
Hard-core New-Age PETA Vegan: LEATHER??? YOU SICK F***!
Discordian: *rubbing leather all over himself* Uhuhuhuhuhuh... leaaaaaaatherrrrrr...
Hard-core New-Age PETA Vegan: *pukes*
New Ager: Okay, okay, how about reincarnation?
Discordian: If you're a cabbage, you're reborn as a Precious Mao Button in the Region of Thud. If not, who knows?
Satanist: Reincarnation? No. When you're dead, that's it.
Setian: Unless you become a god!
Fluffy 2: *gasp* Who brought these evil ones here?!
New Ager: They're not evil. They just haven't yet
discovered that god is love and love is the universe!
One day when they've vibrated to a higher level,
they'll understand. But until then, don't worry, I'll
save us with my rainbow rays of protective lovelight!
*shoots rainbow rays at darksiders*
(Darksiders fall into a ball on the floor, gasping and
choking, Discordian does the same then has a mild heart attack. SubGenius merely raises an eyebrow.)
Setian: Urgh... cough... your rainbow powers caught me
off guard, but soon enough I will regain my composure
and shield myself from your onslaughts through sheer
will alone!
Discordian: Just for that, I'm spamming you! *opens cans of Spam and flings Spam at the lightsiders.)
Fluff 1: *plugs ears and starts singing 'we all come
from the goddess'*
Satanist: Your attempts at using your sheep-like faith
in the powers of love to defend yourself from me is
amusing, but I am a god and thus immune to your
pitiful attacks.
Dark Pagan: Aaackk.... I'm blind... but as soon as I
can see I'm cursing your ass!
Fluffy 2: I knew you weren't a real Pagan! Cursing is
against the Rede! 'An it harm none, do what thou
wi...' *thunk*
(Fluffy 2 falls dead, their weak mind apparently
unable to withstand the strength of the recovered
Setian's will)
Fluff 1: You think you've just won, but wait till you
get that back times three!
Setian: Oh, sure. I'm going to die three times because
your little friend over there just couldn't take it.
New Ager: Well, actually, according to Ram Dass...
*suddenly, the New Ager is crushed by the foot of some
dark deity the Dark Pagan was invoking while everyone
else was distracted. Fluff 1 resumes singing 'We all
Come from the Goddess' in hopes of making it go away,
but to no avail. Utter chaos insues...*
